My grandfather, Merle "Muz" Eutsey, died Sunday, October 4th at 4:50pm EST at the Westmoreland Regional Hospital in Greensburg, Pennsylvania.

For most of my life, my grandfather and I didn't see eye to eye.  We could be in the same room and never really have a conversation.  When we did talk it usually ended with him expressing his displeasure at my career choices and me holding my tongue out of respect for him.  Not exactly the way to build a relationship with him, but it was the only way to ensure peace between us.

However, this is a tribute, not a rant.  For all of his faults I could enumerate, most of which are mirrored in me, I want to talk about his life and the good things about him.

First the overview of whom he was.  He was born in 1920, survived the depression, fought in Germany during WWII, was married twice had 2 daughters and 1 son and a stepson from marriage #2.  He worked in construction and as a timberman, and made wonderful pies.

The overview is nice, but not all was rosy for him.  The depression was obvious, its call the Great Depression for a reason.  However, while he was fighting for our country in Germany he would send all of the money he was making home to his mom and dad to put into a bank account.  With this money he was going to pursue his dreams after the war.  What he didn't know until he returned was that his father, being an alcoholic, was taking his money and spending it on the drink.  He returned home after his tour to no bank account, nothing financially to show for his sacrifice.  He was an American Hero, but he was financially busted.

However, it didn't stop him from working hard and providing a good home for my mom.  They even had the first TV in their neighborhood.  My Grandmother and he opened a diner in Acme, PA called Deb's, named after my mom's younger sister.  Debbie however, passed away at a young age of hepatitis, contracted after having part of her lungs removed (about the size of a silver dollar) due to pneumonia.  Let me take this moment to thank God for medical advances that could have saved her life if she were in that situation today.

Muz was, from all accounts, a relentless friend.  One of the kids in our neighborhood came from a rough family.  Not that everyone in the family was bad, but they didn't have the best home environment.  Muz became friends with him, inviting him to his house almost every morning so they could have buckwheat cakes for breakfast.  Being that we lived in the mountains of western Pennsylvania, there are still some mountain people that live up there, hillbillies, if you will.  One of the ladies had lost her husband and had been living alone for a few years.  Grandpap took her in as she got older and couldn't take care of her property anymore.  She lived with him for many years, eventually passing away while living there.  This isn't something that he had to do.  It was no mandate.  However, it is the type of man he was.

In his final days, after he went to the hospital for the first time in the decline that eventually took his life, he finally gave his life to Christ!  It's funny and sad that the last six months of his life were really the most important.

In May he went into the hospital due to dehydration caused by the flu (not H1N1).  In this began a pattern that took the six month since to actually finish the job.  He went in for the flu.  He started to feel better and suddenly got worse, it was the dehydration, and it had damaged the kidneys, so he needed dialysis.  OK.  He started to feel better, and then he started losing a lot of blood, bleeding ulcers.  Taken care of, he started to feel better, so they shipped him to the care home for rehab.  He's there for less than a day and he's rushed to Westmoreland Regional (instead of Frick Hospital in Mt. Pleasant which is the first hospital he was in) where he is said to be ready to die any minute as every vital started to crash.  One of the attending doctors states that it looked like an allergic reaction to a specific drug.  They find out that Frick Hospital had been giving him that particular drug.  The stop it, they cleans his system.  He then went back to the care home.  There were a few more scares, from CDEF to low blood pressure.  However, the worst was yet to come and it finally came this past Saturday.

My mom called me and asked me to meet her at the hospital.  She has a hard time walking and wanted my help getting her in.  Fortunately, our friend "Steve" was spending the night at our house, so I left Josiah with him and ran to the hospital.  Turns out he had perforated bowels, which was operable, but in his state of being he would never survive.  The decision was made to make him comfortable.  They applied the morphine drip which would effectively begin the countdown to the end.  His body finally shut down on Sunday at 4:50 pm.

One thing I can say about Muz, and probably one thing that changed my heart toward him at the end, was that he loved my boys.  He could never remember their names, but he loved them.  Even toward the end, he would always ask when they were coming in to see him.  He would light up as soon as he noticed them in the room.  Even the last time they saw him, two weeks ago.  He was starting to fade, be he knew they were there.  He was struggling with talking, but he did his best to talk to them.  No matter how he was feeling, at least for the time they were there, his state improved.

Muz and I had our differences, but we could meet on common ground with my boys.  Soon enough, we'll meet again on common ground.  When that time comes it won't be on asphalt and concrete it will be on streets of gold.  We won't be surrounded by death and decay; we'll be surrounded by life eternal.  In the grand scheme of things, isn't that the greatest tribute of all?

I think that everyone who claims to be a Christian and has a true understanding of who God is and who they are agree that there are no words that can be used that can express the glory of our Father in heaven.

Just because any words we speak or actions we take are inadequate, doesn't mean that we shouldn't try.

With Father's day on the precipice this Sunday in the United States, I am going to put forth my best effort to express my feelings for my Father in heaven.

So as I continue this post, the remainder of is from me directly to God.  You are free to join me in any expressions to our Father.

Father, there is only one word in my vocabulary that I can use to explain my feelings toward you.

It's not majestic, glorious, awesome, inspiring, holy, loving, merciful, graceful, forgiving or restoring, even though you are all of those things.

These words are all a pale reflection of what you are.  They are the mouse compared to a dragon.  They are painfully and completely faulty and inadequate.

My word, though as weak in reality as any of the words above, express my true feelings for you Father.  This word encompasses my passion and my love for you more than any other word in the English language.  That one word.  That one amazing word is Daddy.

Thank you, Daddy, for never abandoning me when I had abandoned you.  Thank you for pursuing me and wooing me back to your arms.  Thank you, Daddy, for always being my comforter when I was in pain.  Thank you, Daddy, for always giving me those things I don't deserve and never giving me those things I do deserve.  Thank you, Daddy, for adopting me as your son.  Thank you, Daddy, for always allowing me to come before your throne with boldness and confidence.

Daddy, I love you.  If you had a refrigerator, I would draw you a picture to put on it.  If you owned a Zune I would sing you a song to share with your friends on the Zune Social.  However, more than anything, I want to hug your neck and kiss your face.  One day, when we're face to face, I won't ask you a million questions.  I won't stand dumbfounded.  I will throw down my crowns, run to the throne and throw my arms around you and do exactly what I've wanted to do for so many years of my life.  I will cry, I will not be able to stop it, I will be unable to hold back my unending joy.

Watching prayer work is pretty amazing.  When it involves a specific series of requests and they all start to happen, even more so.

For the past month or so, my grand father has been in the hospital.  It all started with the flu and dehydration.  However, after getting to the hospital he started getting worse.  His kidneys started to fail.  He was bleeding, a lot.  He was in pretty bad shape.  Eventually the hospital released him to a rehab center once they saw that he was starting to get better.

This didn't last long, he was in the rehab center for a couple of hours and started bleeding again, so they shipped him off to a different hospital, one that was closer than the first.  While there his health started to rapidly spiral.  On Thursday (June 4th) the doctors came in and told us that he was never going to leave the hospital and that it would be a couple of days or a couple of weeks until his passing.

We had all been praying up to this point, but it was at this point that I changed my prayer.  You see, up until this point, I had no doubt that he would be coming up and he would recover.  I was praying for his healing, but not fervently.  However, hearing that he was not coming home and knowing that he didn't know Christ, moved me.  I prayed two specific things in the situation.  First, that someone go in to see him and to be a witness to him and for him to give his life to Christ.  The second, that the Lord work a miricle in his life and bring him back to health.  I would have been satisfied with a quick and less painful death, but that is not what I wanted.

Well, on Friday, a gentleman from my mom's church came in and was being a witness to him and he gave is life to Christ!

Then, another doctor came in and recognized the symtoms that he was displaying as an allergic reaction to a specific medicine.  He wasn't on the medicine as far as anyone knew.  They did a little digging and found out that the first hospital had indeed given it to him.  Well, the doctor immediately started the antidote process and on the other end my grand father has started to recover! 

My family and I went in on Saturday to see him and he was talking and interacting with everyone.  On Sunday he was feeling even better.  This morning my mom called and told me that the doctors were talking about sending him back to the rehab center and eventually getting him back home.

You see, the prayer has to be effectual and fervent.  Prior to the doctor saying he was going to die I was praying effectively, I was using scripture. I was praying, but not with fervancy.  I started praying with fervancy, praying with similar words, but this time with power.

Soon, Grandpap will be going to the rehab center, getting better both physically and spiritually.

There are many things that I've learned over the past 15 years.

It seems that every major event in my life brings new revelation.  I'll lay down the timeline of these major events and how my perception has changed.

1994 - I was just returning to the church after having walked away for about three years.  I walked away because of my arrogance, plain and simple. I learned from my return to Christ is that I cannot out run him.  There was no where I could go, no where I could hide, I would return, though the choice to return was mine, I didn't really have a choice, I would have been pursued for the rest of my life had I not come back when I did.

1997 - I left the church to which I had originally come back.  I had realized that the church was putting on a display.  It was a place to see and be seen to the people who were going there.  I learned that no matter what I had done for the advancement of that ministry, when I was in need of help, I would be thrown under the bus, and that is what happened.  At that point in history I was leading worship at the church, driving the church van, working full-time and going to school full-time.  I was running on empty and after service one night, I had a breakdown.  The youth pastor, who was awesome, by the way, came to me and helped me out.  He said he would go to the pastor and see if we could find a replacement to drive the van.  The biggest thing was driving the van after church.  I was so tired from my day, knowing that I was going to have to do it again the next day.  That day marked the last time the pastor ever talked to me while I was attending there.  Previous to this I spoke to him regularly.  That marked the last time he said anything other than "Hello".  He never talked to me about removing me from any positions, I just simply was not asked to participate.  I was devastated.  I was so mad at the church I left.  I wasn't mad at God, I was mad at the people.  I told God I would give him four churches to find one that I could feel at home in and I would stay in a church, if not, I would still serve Him, but I wouldn't attend a church to do it.

I went to three churches that I couldn't attend.  They were too dead for me.  I would shrink in those churches.  The fourth church I attended was Family Fellowship Christian Center, and I am still there today, now serving as an associate pastor, elder and worship leader.

1998 - Was the year I found FFCC and the year I met my wife.  I was still in school and working full-time, so any socialization that I was going to get was going to be at odd hours, which led me to the internet and the World Wide Communities Online Christian chat rooms.  It was in this chat room that I met Jen, who was also going to school, in North Carolina.  In January we started chatting, at the beginning of May we met in person, May 25th we were engaged and December 5th we were married.  I learned that it is not good for man to be alone and that God had designed a helpmate just for me.  Our relationship moved so quickly because we had no doubt, from the start that this was meant to be.  We only waited as long as we did so that I could graduate and get a real job and so she could make the move from North Carolina.

2000 - Probably the biggest change of mentality that I have ever had occurred this year.  That was the year Josiah, my oldest, was born.  This was a profound moment for me.  Up until this time I had no idea what it meant to be a father.  I have never known my earthly father, so I never had an example upon which to draw.  I was scared to death in the months leading up to his birth.  I hope that I didn't let my fear show too much.  I really was trying to put on the brave face.  However, the first time I held that 8lb bunch of flesh, I fell in love.  He was everything to me from that moment on, and for the first time in my life I realized why I would never have been able to outrun God.  He loves me the same way I love Josiah, but with even more passion and intensity.  I knew that I would lay down my life for that little man and I would kill to protect him.  How much more was it for God to not protect His son, but sacrifice Him so that we may enter into His plan for adoption.

In 2003, it was Braedon who changed my life.  I wasn't afraid of having another child.  Josiah had been around for three years now and I knew that I could be a good dad.  The question that was answered for me was this.  How can I divide the love I had for Josiah and share it with another.  The answer was poignant.  I had made a mistake in my math.  My love would not be divided, it would be multiplied!  That is how God can love us all; His love is multiplied every time someone comes to Him!

In 2006 I learned patience.  Actually that probably really started in 2008, but the cause of this lesson was born in 2006.  Thorin is the model of a strong willed child.  Go ahead; look up strong willed child in the dictionary, yea, that's his picture.  I have to be careful with him because the spirit in him that drives me nuts is the same spirit that will make him a success in the future.  I don't want to break his spirit while molding it into a useful tool.  I want the passion he displays every day to be focused on God.  This has shown me the patience that God has shown me as I've rebelled and thrown tantrums.  He doesn't want to break my spirit, but he wants to direct me in the way I should go.

In 2009 came Rilian.  He’s only a couple months old now, but he makes me laugh.  The simplicity of a baby brings me joy.  He is my reminder that a merry heart is like a medicine.  He reminds me that sometimes it is important to play the jester, because the jester brings joy in the moment of sadness.  When all else fails, make a funny face, produce a funny noise, it turns tears into laughter, at least in the eyes of a baby.

I say all of that to say this...

We were bought with a price.  We were brought to the Father in the spirit of adoption.  We are, in every sense of the words, Children of God.  Let's remember that in our everyday walks.

As I move forward with my personal preparation for full-time ministry, I realize that there are 3 areas that I need to address.  These 3 areas encompass many things that need to happen.

1. Spiritual
2. Mental
3. Physical

Spiritually, I need to be prepared, not only to minister to other people, but to ensure that my relationship with my God and my family can endure the strains of being the primary target of scrutiny as the pastor of a church.

Mentally, I need to be prepared to handle the attacks mentioned above.  Also, there are many areas in which I'm just not the most qualified person in the world.  Financially is a big one.  If I don't have someone out of the box that is great at handling finances (I believe in staffing your weaknesses) then I need to make sure that I enhance my ability to handle this aspect of the organization.

Physically, I'm out of shape, or should I say, I have the wrong shape, because round is a shape.  I need to get into better physical condition.  Being a pastor is not for the physically weak.  Many attacks that a pastor takes are physical.  Not in the aspect of a fist fight, but the activities of the church will take a toll on the body.  I have to be prepared for these attacks.  Also, being that I am encumbered by diabetes, I need to make sure that it is in control at all times.  My preference, lose the weight before I come down to Sarasota and be done with the disease.

I used to think that my first priority was the physical, but I realize now, that I need to work on the spiritual aspect first, in conjunction, really.  Until today, I thought the area I was strongest in was spirituality.  Of course, a little prayer, introspection and revelation will smack that out of anyone.

I realized today that I am surrounded by too much noise.   Whether it is TV, the radio, or even my family, I never take time for quiet time.  Even now, I have my Zune on listening to music.  It's praise and worship (Delirious?) so it's not too bad.  

I've also been being hit by some self awareness that I wasn't prepared for.  I'm not the man I thought I was.  This weekend, being Mother's day weekend, made me realize how far I fall short on a normal basis at being a husband and a father.  If I can do what I did this weekend and it makes my wife happy, why can't I do that regularly.  I look back on this weekend and I still feel I fell short of what I should be doing on a regular basis.  This has revealed to me that I have to change my regular behaviors.  I have to consecrate the time I spend with God and the time that I spend with my family.  I can't let my experiences of my day at work effect how I am at home, after all, this is the day that the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it.  

Anyway, I'm determined to be prepared by November 2011, so I have some work to do.  However, have no fear Sarasota, when I arrive, I'll be ready to deliver the word of God with clarity and power.